The Proof is in the Pickle: Facing Life's Sour Reality

There are two questions you should ask yourself about your very own two ears: "Have I put them to good use?", and, "Why did I ever try growing corn in the first place?" The first question is of concern here, as this has little to do with corn, and everything to do with pickles!

Like a pickle, reality is so often too sour to handle all at once, so it's best to just ease yourself into it. What may be music to one person's ears will either be similarly pleasant or rudely repulsive to your own. When putting your ears to good use involves hearing other unpleasant perspectives, a further question should be, "How have my ears been trained?" In regard to life itself, that's a multifaceted query with quite the quibbles for answers.

In regard to music, however, it's easy to simply respond with a list of your preferences that, to your two ears, taste as sweet as corn. But when someone else's preferences interfere, you may well find yourself in a pickle. There's no reason to fret though; only all the more reason to prove your integrity, and face the same sour reality of life along with everyone else.

A Timely Interview: Featuring Time Itself

Host: I'm glad you could find yourself to be on my show this morning.

Time: Well, here I am.

Host: Indeed. Please go ahead and share a little bit about yourself.

Time: Alright. Well, I'm dependable.

Host: That's a good trait. How would you say you're dependable?

Time: Oh, well, of course you can always count on me! But one drawback to being so dependable is that I tend to tick people off a lot.

Host: Really?! I guess I can see that. Are you ever able to just tock it over together?

Time: No, because I always hear about it at second hand; and I can't turn myself back, so I always have to take the blame.

Host: Do you feel that's unfair?

Time: Well, yeah, "Don't shoot the messenger." Right?

Host: How do you mean?

Time: See, I'm just the messenger. They should rise to the occasion and take it up with my boss if they really want to set things straight.

Host: Oh, yes. I see. I'd imagine that'd be a heated debate!

Time: Yeah! But all I hear is that they want more of me! It's not easy being the only employee.

Host: So would you say being dependable has its perks?

Time: Oh sure! Especially when it comes to music. People love to have a good one of me, and music helps them appreciate me for who I am. And, with all due respect, music would be nothing without me! Nothing!

Host: Oh, so you're all that now, huh?!

Time: Hey, take it up with the boss. I'm just sayin'!

Host: Right, right... Well I see our hour is up.

Time: Yeah, I get that a lot. I can't help that it's written all over my face.

Host: No, but really, I'm glad we found you to get to know you a little better. I hope you enjoy the rest of your Saturday, and enjoy your weekly meeting with your boss tomorrow!

Time: Of course. I hope my boss still thinks the world of me.

My Hairy Lullaby Story

I've occasionally lulled myself asleep to the timeless tune of "Ain't Never Goin' Bald". It's an old lullaby, and I vaguely remember the story of Dad singing it for my three older brothers. Supposedly, their hair would begin to buzz as they'd drift off, making a noise like a soft "zzzz..." Grandpa apparently sang the lullaby for Dad, and even Great Grandpa must've been fond of the tune. I figure, "It worked for them, it'll work for me!" Right? So far, so good - for me, at least.

Upon hearing the devastating news that my two eldest brothers have lost more than just a few irreplaceable hairs, I have resolved to be more religious in two important ways. One, I won't live a similarly stressful, adventurous life - fertile grounds for baldness. Secondly, I will teach the far-reaching traditional folk-tune to my wife and daughter so as to have a doubly hearty, harmonious rendition, giving it twice the hair-restoring power.

As for the other brother, he seems to have found an effective, healthy alternative to the tune of the follicle-stress relieving activity of blogging. Needless to say, his Incongruous Circumspection blog has proven therapeutic, although it unfortunately leads to periodic bouts of 'hair yanking'. But, nonetheless, that serves only as a convenient and necessary counterbalance to his abundant hair restoring alternative.

With all due respect, I would never stoop to such an alternative as blogging, as I am convinced that I've held to a better ritual. Mystical? Admittedly so. But, there's no shame in a good lullaby, no matter how magical it's become. So let the jealous accusations fly while I ensure my hair is being sung spry!

No potions needed here. Just my stress-free, unadventurous life along with the trusty, generational, passed-onto-the-youngest-child... family-sung folk-tune... rendition of the "Ain't Goin' Bald" lullaby. And please everyone, keep the flabbergasted compliments to a minimum; I might get too big of a head - of hair!

And, if you don't mind, I need to sing right now - with my wife and daughter, of course.

"Ain't never goin' bald... ain't never goin' bald......
This mystery unsolved... yet, to it I'm lulled......
I'll keep all my hair, I'll keep all my hair...
'Cause it's only fair, to every one there...
Ain't never.. goin'... ba...... zz... zzz.. zzzzzzz......"

My Humble Beginnings

A fresh start! New ideas, blazing the untrodden trail of my musical meanderings.

With more depth and insight to be composed, this is merely the overture of an amateur. 'What's that awful sound I hear?!' Oh, I see: it's just my humble beginnings. Stick around long enough, and you may deem this a winning score!